ShoeShe

It’s political…It’s spiritual…It’s laughable…It’s lovable…It’s ShoeShe!

How Not to Talk to a Baptist… February 21, 2010

Filed under: Laughable,Personal,Spiritual — shoeshe @ 6:22 pm

I had an interesting conversation with my mom today. She was talking about Lent, ashes and Baptists. She had my attention. Mom, though a career Methodist, is not quite as schooled on all things religious. Bless her heart. She wanted me to explain Lent to her.

Here’s what I said…

Lent is the 40 days from Ash Wednesday to Easter (not counting Sundays) where we practice self-denial in preparation for the death and resurrection of Jesus. We fast for 40 days because we are preparing for what is to come…just as Jesus fasted for 40 days in the desert in preparation for his public ministry.

There are lots of other forties in the Bible that are significant…Moses spent forty days on Mount Sinai. Elijah spent forty days and nights walking to Mount Horeb. God made it rain for forty days and nights on Noah. The Hebrew people wandered for forty years looking for the Promised Land. Jonah gave Ninevah forty days to repent.

That’s pretty much Lent in a nutshell.

Then mom was like, “well, what are the ashes for?”

So I said…

Well, they burn the palm branches from last year’s Palm Sunday service to make the ashes.

Ashes are symbolic for us, because of the ancient tradition of throwing ashes over your head as a sign of repentance before God. Then, there’s the Scripture out of Genesis that says we are dust and to dust we shall return.

Mom says, “But Baptists don’t do all that…do they?”

I said…

Well, not usually, though this year the First Baptist Church here did have an Ash Wednesday service, complete with black, ashy crosses on the foreheads…and they’re even celebrating Lent this year.

Mom said, “Oh.”

I asked why she was suddenly so interested in all this stuff, and she said that she had a conversation with a die-hard Baptist about all of it, and came out of it quite confused.

This particular guy told her that Baptists don’t do Ash Wednesday and Lent, because it is Catholic. He said that Baptists were around before Catholics, because they derived straight from John the Baptist. Since the Catholics added all of that stuff, the Baptists don’t do it, because that’s not what John the Baptist did.

I said…

Hmm…interesting. You probably don’t want to get into an argument over religion, but he’s wrong. I’m not a Baptist scholar, so I can’t quite comment with 100% accuracy, however I’m pretty sure the Baptist church came out of the same Reformation process that all the other Protestant churches came from. I’d put their development as a church in the 1500s to 1600s. See, it got a kick-start when Martin Luther put his 95 Theses on that church door, though from all I’ve read and observed about the Baptist church, I’d assume they derived more from a breed of Puritans and Calvinists…both also church reform groups stemming from the Catholic Church/Church of England. And yes…we later grew out of that same movement…

Mom said, “Oh…well, isn’t it cute that he thinks his church stems from John the Baptist? Though, it’s sort of judgmental of him to think that First Baptist Church shouldn’t be able to call itself a Baptist church since they celebrated Ash Wednesday.”

Okay…so after this stimulating discussion, I did a bit of research that puts a date of 1608/1609 on the establishment of the first Baptist church…and it was in Holland…and it was established by John Smyth and Thomas Helwys.

Here’s my take on the whole thing…

Thank God I belong to a connectional and methodical church that traces its history and “believes” in the “holy catholic church.” And before people get all in a tizzy about what I mean by “holy catholic church,” I’ll give you the explanation I was given in my church’s Confirmation classes when I was in 6th grade. I still remember, partly because I thought learning a cool-sounding Greek word was fun – yes, I’ve always been a nerd.

Here goes…

The word catholic is a form of the Greek word “katholikos,” which means “of the whole.” Therefore, catholic is referring to the universal church…i.e. all Christians everywhere…not the Roman Catholic Church.

So see, I’m open-minded enough to believe that all Christians (whether Methodist, Baptist or otherwise) are pretty much on the same page. The differences aren’t biblical (for the most part – and I still don’t understand the no musical instruments thing in the Church of Christ or the no dancing in the Baptist Church, since both were in the Bible), but are instead practical in nature.

Gah…I quit.

 

I Might Draw Criticism, But… February 19, 2010

Filed under: Laughable,Personal,Political — shoeshe @ 2:41 pm

Has anyone read this? It’s about an actress, Andrea Fay Friedman, who has Down Syndrome. She played a small role in an episode of “Family Guy,” in which her character also had Down Syndrome.

One of her lines was, “I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska.”

The actress says her parents raised her to be funny and “normal,” and that it was just sarcasm. The Palin clan, on the other hand, has called the “Family Guy” camp “heartless jerks” and “cruel, cold-hearted people.”

The thing is…when you put yourself out there for all the world to see, you open yourself to all that comes along with that. I think there’s a thin line between mockery, truth and flattery. While the “Family Guy” episode wasn’t the least bit flattering to the Palins, it did hold a bit of truth within its mockery.

DISCLAIMER: If you like Sarah Palin, you might want to stop reading.

Sarah Palin carts Trig around like he is some sort of special case…like she can win votes/admiration from people because she is raising a son with Down Syndrome. It is certainly something to deal with, but it is a something that thousands of other families deal with too…and you don’t see them using their child or their circumstances to win votes/admiration. It borders on exploitation, really.

And the Palin clan can argue all they want about how cold and heartless the “Family Guy” camp was, but the fact is an actress WITH Down Syndrome played the character and thought it was funny. I think it takes a strong person to face adversity with humor, and that is exactly what Friedman (and her family) have chosen to do. I’d say humor worked for this particular family, as Friedman works at a law firm when she’s not acting.

Such is life. We all have to make choices, and we all make choices that other people wouldn’t. There are things I do that you wouldn’t…just as there are things you do that I wouldn’t. It was Friedman’s choice to play the role of a girl with Down Syndrome on an episode of “Family Guy,” just as it is Palin’s choice to cart Trig around like the token Down Syndrome child talking about unfairness and hate. To be honest, I’m surprised Palin knew anything about the “Family Guy” episode since she has such a hard time coming up with any newspapers and magazines she reads on a daily basis. It seems like she’s a media snob. Perhaps if Palin watched anything but Fox (Ooh…jab at the righties), she wouldn’t have known about it at all.

Does anyone else find it somewhat humorous that Fox is the only mainstream media outlet that is so obviously right-wing…and yet “Family Guy,” which pokes fun at all sorts of right-wingers (and their ideas) is broadcast by Fox?

One more thing…I applaud Friedman for her courage and perseverance. She is a champion for folks with Down Syndrome. She has taken adversity and laughed in its face!

 

Unlucky Seven January 13, 2010

Filed under: Laughable,Personal,Uncategorized — shoeshe @ 12:21 pm

The following list includes seven things that agitated me yesterday.

  1. An old lady at Target cut in line ahead of me. I should mention that she had a cart full of stuff and I had two items. I should also mention that I was not amused by her antics.
  2. The same old lady at Target bitched at the cashier because she needed a bag for a box that a) had handles and b) didn’t really fit in the Target bags in the first place. I should mention that the cashier had already begun scanning my items when the old lady began bitching about the bag. I was again not amused by her antics.
  3. That damn old lady at Target bitched out the cashier over the size of the bag she was given for the box that didn’t need a bag. I should mention that at this point the cashier was no longer amused by her antics and I was to the point of almost telling the old lady to STHU (ask if you don’t know). The old lady asked if there were any larger bags, to which the cashier explained that she was currently out of them. I (quite grumpily) walked to the next register and grabbed a large bag for the old bag.
  4. A young couple (in their early twenties) blocked my blilndside in the Target parking lot. Apparently the guy was trying to be sweet and went to get their oversized SUV so that the girl wouldn’t have to walk all the way out to their parking spot with the cart (it was pretty cold). Nevertheless, I was trying to exit the parking lot, and the guy pulled his vehicle up just enough that I couldn’t see around him to see the two lanes of traffic passing by the front of the store. He then put it in park and helped the girl load their Target purchases. I was not amused by their antics.
  5. A woman on her cell phone was waiting patiently at a stop sign at a street perpendicular to the one on which I was driving. She then pulled out in front of me only to go slower than I was already going. Please note: If you are going to dart out into traffic, at least speed the hell up so the person you pulled out in front of doesn’t have to slam on her brakes. Thank you, that is all. I am still not amused!
  6. I am currently driving a boat-sized rental car, because my car is in the shop. My car is in the shop, because a couple of people decided to hit and run in a parking lot. The only reason I am ever so slightly amused is that the aforementioned boat-sized rental car won’t fit in my garage. And that’s really only funny if you’re not the person who has to get out in the morning and defrost the damn windows before leaving (a bit late) for work.
  7. To top off my amazing day, as I was leaving work yesterday (an hour and a half later than I was supposed to get off), I noticed that an idiot had parked over my line in the parking lot. I’m sorry, but if I can fit my aforementioned boat-sized rental car in a parking space properly, then surely someone who drives an SUV every day should be able to do the same. I had great difficulty getting into my aforementioned boat-sized rental car. Further, I think that there should be special parking spaces for people who drive larger than average vehicles (trucks, SUVs, vans, grandma cars, etc.).

I am now finished ranting. Thank you.

 

The Sex Talk January 2, 2010

Filed under: Laughable,Personal,Uncategorized — shoeshe @ 2:44 am

So I was at my parents’ house cleaning out an old wardrobe when I came across about a hundred VHS tapes. Some of them had such amazing cinematic creations as “3 Ninjas” and “D3 Mighty Ducks,” some had classics like “Wizard of Oz” and “Gone with the Wind,” and some had random childhood memories like basketball tournament games and birthday parties.

But by far the most entertaining find of the day was the tape labeled “90210 Safe Sex Talk.” Apparently my mom taped the only episode of 90210 she wouldn’t let me watch live (she took me to dinner and then shopping that night according to my dad), and then tucked it away so that when the time came she could make the “sex talk” much less intimidating.

Unfortunately, some 17 years later, I found the tape for the first time. She never got around to having “the talk” with me.

I’d officially like to thank my mom for skipping the talk. Thanks to the lack of information I received on the matter, I’m now a well-adjusted 29-year-old virgin. At least I’ve kissed and been kissed.

I think I’ll watch that episode now, and see if I can get a few dating tips.

 

Probably Not… December 18, 2009

Filed under: Laughable,Uncategorized — shoeshe @ 11:24 am

A friend saw this in her local grocery store and thought I’d get a kick out of it…I did, but it was probably not a good idea. The grocery store should have known better.

 

Stubborn Dachshunds December 4, 2009

Filed under: Laughable,Personal,Uncategorized — shoeshe @ 9:01 pm

I know most Dachshunds are stubborn, but I think I have three of the most stubborn dogs in the entire world! Last night I tried to take their pictures by the Christmas tree (or wherever I could get all three gathered). I’ll let you see how well that worked out for me…

Aside from the fact that I was completely out of focus because I was trying to get my darling Archie (the middle one) to stay on the fluffy bed instead of running to his mommy, Chip (the one in the sweater) was insistent upon not facing me. Dach was the only one who would remotely cooperate, but I’m convinced it was because I told him if he sat pretty he could have a treat. Needless to say, I couldn’t get the three of them to cooperate for a “My Three Shunds” photo. So I got some of Dach & Chip together (and some cuter shots of just Chip).

I’m pretty sure Chipper is only cooperating because he thinks his sweater is a straight-jacket. Bless his little heart…he goes completely limp when you put an outfit of any kind on him, which makes it quite simple to get shots like this:

As you can tell by the green-icky eyes, these photos are unedited…sorry!

Doesn’t he look a bit pitiful? Poor Chipper!

I think this is my favorite, simply because he looks so frightened.

I guess if I were his size and had been forcibly put into a sweater AND
then placed in a sleigh approximately 3 ft. off the floor, I’d be scared too!

I think he’s happier to be back safely on the floor.

 

I Love These Two

Filed under: Laughable,Personal,Uncategorized — shoeshe @ 8:38 pm

Oh, and just in case he reads this (not likely), HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

And I’m glad they’re still like this (even if it sometimes creeps me out in public).

 

In Case You Ever Wondered… December 1, 2009

Filed under: Laughable,Personal,Uncategorized — shoeshe @ 1:42 pm

This is a running list of random thoughts I’m having.

  1. I giggle to myself every time I see someone walking across campus with a backpack on wheels. Sorry.
  2. I wonder why the Hallmark Channel must play all 19 (maybe there are more) variations of “A Christmas Carol” all on the same Sunday afternoon! I know they’re playing Christmas movies from noon to midnight every day until Christmas, but wouldn’t it work just as well to play one version of the classic per day until Christmas instead of making people who previously enjoyed the movie slowly begin to hate it?
  3. My heart melted when I found out that my Angel Tree child wanted (as her toy) a night out with her mom.
  4. Why do they even make leopard print leggings in a size 4x?
  5. My jaw hurts. My neck hurts. My head hurts.
  6. My little brother only wanted items that had to be ordered online for Christmas.
  7. Referencing #6, I wonder why the things we ordered from Liverpool (like in another country) came before the things we ordered from here in the good ole US of A.
  8. Maybe it is sad that the main thing I want for Christmas is another Bible (I already have 47), but I really want the Wesley Study Bible (and my mom got it for me – yay).
  9. Techno Christmas music sucks.
  10. Retail employees put up with a lot of crap around the holidays! What makes this sad is that if we broke it down and remembered why we even had Christmas in the first place, maybe there would be no need for all of our wretched behaviors. Then retail employees wouldn’t have to smile and nod while grumpy shoppers yell incessantly at them about how stupid they are. I’ve been in their shoes, so I try to be extra gentle and patient around Christmas…and I wish others would as well!
 

Stealing Her Thunder November 18, 2009

Filed under: Laughable,Personal,Uncategorized — shoeshe @ 11:54 pm

I feel I must apologize to all my fellow Huckablog readers in advance for stealing her thunder from yesterday/today’s cutaclysm.

I’ve had brow woes before (that I’ve even previously mentioned here), but none have quite rivaled what I’m going through now. If I weren’t so embarrassed, I’d post a picture.

A little over a month ago, I went to get my brows waxed (a normal procedure I endure every 3-4 weeks). Lee, the guy who normally waxes my brows (and does a great job at it) was on vacation, so I cheated on him and went to the mall. Look…the brows were HORRIBLE!!! Trust me. They were that bad!

Needless to say, I felt somewhat uneasy sitting in the chair in the national chain hair establishment…though I admit I’m not sure why.

A nice Asian lady who didn’t speak much English (which is another post entirely) said she could wax them, and I hesitantly leaned back and let her do her job.

When I stood up, I was horrified! She might as well have shaved them. I could have done a better job blindfolded. They were that bad! She had waxed them off a good 1/4 – 1/2 inch inside my eye. Seriously! Plus, she had given them a really funky angle.

I admit that I haven’t always had perfect brows…in fact, I’ve sported some pseudo-Groucho and near-unibrow variations in the past. But the fact remains that I have always had a pretty good shape to my brows. They were arched nicely, had a normal shape to them and were full…so full in fact that anyone who ever waxed them usually wound up trimming them as well.

Alright. So I’ve waited over a month to have anything done to them, because I am trying desperately to regain the shape for which Lee and I had worked so hard.

Today I just couldn’t take it anymore. I called to get in with Lee…and he wasn’t there. So I went to a chain store on my lunch hour (a different one of course), and ever-so-slightly-assertively explained to the nice young pregnant lady what I wanted her to do with my ill-shaped brows.

“Just take care of the top and bottom. Do nothing in between the two brows except for just above my nose. I am trying to grow back a botched brow job, and I know they will look funny for a while. I don’t care. Just a little off the top and bottom.”

Proving that not all chain hair establishments are created equally, the nice young pregnant lady (with creepy tattoos) did a fine job of following my instructions.

I still have ill-shaped brows, but they are lighter (and not quite as Groucho-esque).

While I am quite sure the Asian lady who butchered my brows in the first place didn’t do so intentionally, I can’t help but think that I may have been her very first “white” brow wax, because she did the Asian line brow on me.

Oh, and I miss the girl who used to cut my hair (and wax my brows). She knew me (and my crazy family), and she always did whatever the heck she wanted to do with my hair (seriously). If I told her I wanted a particular style, she’d look at me for a minute and say, “No guarantees. I only do what will look good on you!” I haven’t gone to her since I moved back home, because I have no idea where she works now. She’s one of those certified salon hoppers, so you have to know her well to know where she is working from year to year, but it is so worth staying on her “list,” because she is seriously the best ever!!!

So, if you’re reading this, Kirsten…I miss your haircuts and brow waxes and I wish I knew where you were working these days. I’d schedule an appointment ASAP for you to shape up the mess of shagginess on top of my head. Okay…thanks. Bye.

 

5 Things You May Not Know November 16, 2009

Filed under: Laughable,Personal — shoeshe @ 10:51 pm

1. My mom cried when Priscilla married Elvis (for days), because she was convinced (as a second grader) that she was the one who would win his heart.

2. I treat my dogs like little people…and they have voices that match their personalities.

3. I am a severe procrastinator…which is why I am blogging now instead of working on the articles that are all due on Friday.

4. My mom and I act more like sisters than mother-daughter…we fight, we shop together, we wear each others’ clothes, we read the same trashy novels, we do all sorts of things together. Sometimes this is really cool, but sometimes when we fight, I HATE IT!!! And we always end up crying.

5. I watch “Hannah Montana” and other equally childish television programming.

 

 
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