I’ve been hesitant to post this, because there are people who say I don’t know what I’m talking about because I’m not a parent. I suppose I don’t understand that theory. No, I probably don’t know all there is to know about children, but I don’t see how having not popped out a child makes one uniquely unqualified to offer her opinions on life.
My church has issues. What church doesn’t? Lately, however, I’ve been disgusted by the lack of parenting so-called child experts are exhibiting. Moreover, I’m disgusted at how those in their 30s to 50s are letting children rule the roost…and how so-called spiritual leaders are accepting self-centered behaviors as the norm and not doing anything to motivate real change. I see change…the wrong kind of change. Apparently my church’s 6th grade class has a problem with bullying…and it isn’t coming from the boys. That’s right…it’s the girls. They are catty, mean-spirited and couldn’t care less about their classmates.
My county (as silly as it is) has 6 separate school districts (plus a handful of private schools)…not schools…SCHOOL DISTRICTS. Let me lay them out for you (stereotypically speaking). There’s the elite school across the bypass, the inner-city school in the heart of the community, the redneck country school on the west side of town, the tiny-under-funded-hole-in-the-wall school outside of town, the I-send-my kids-there-because-there-are-no-minorities school on the outskirts of town, and the I-grew-too-fast-and-now-I-have-issues school across the railroad tracks.
What’s that got to do with the issues at church? Apparently everything! There is one little girl in the 6th grade class who goes to the redneck country school on the west side of town. All the other girls either go to the inner-city school or the elite school. Let me say this first…the inner-city school is NOTHING like a true inner-city school…it just has a higher minority population than any other school in our community, so it gets a bum reputation. So the clique-driven girls from those two schools have been making fun of the girl from the RC school. They say things like, “You’re not pretty,” “You’re poor, so you can’t talk to us,” and my favorite “Your parents must not make any money if you live in that school district.”
Mind you, if they redrew the school district lines in a fair manner, most of those kids would actually attend the RC school, but their parents have thrown fits and have built their school into an elitist colony. They make the best test scores (but they teach to the tests AND have the most parental involvement, because most of the moms don’t work), they have the best facilities (they have people constantly donating money to see to it that their kids have the best) and they find the most accommodating teachers.
Nevertheless, one girl in the 6th grade is made to feel less than everyone else because she comes from a different school. I understand bullying at school (I don’t like it, but I understand it). I can’t understand bullying at church. Church is different. It should be a sanctuary for these kids to feel safe and secure…a place where they don’t have to worry about the pressures of the outside world. The parents should be encouraging children to be respectful and kind to everyone (not just at church), but sadly the parents are the same way. Jesus called us to love the least, the last and the lost…and to help the poor. We’re not helping when we make fun of them!
I recently heard that a family moved their membership to my church. I was happy for them. I’ve always loved my church and the people in it. But then I heard her talking about the switch. She switched from another United Methodist church in town to our UM church because she was “sick of her money going to all those black kids.” Really? I’ve always thought of my church as a mission-minded congregation, but apparently we have strayed from that image. And though we still help with the local food pantry, a youth facility for kids to get nightly meals and help with homework, mission trips for adults and various other mission events/activities, we’ve lost our way in the world. Do we really want church members who don’t want to help fellow man…regardless of skin color? It baffles me.

Faith Exercise on Retreat
When I was a kid growing up in the same church I still call home, we were about as missional as possible. We helped the United Way, we went on lots of mission trips/camps, we helped the elderly in our own community, we worked as a team to help with big church events and activities that were for the smaller children. We loved it. We had fun while serving others…but more importantly serving God. We were taught to serve God, the church and fellow man. And most of us are still active in all three of those areas.

Mission Trip 1999

Mission Trip 1998

United Way Day of Caring 1995
The youth group now goes on big, over-priced, fun trips to the beach. Sure, it’s a church camp complete with some avenues for spiritual growth, great worship and fellowship. But while they’re serving themselves, God, the church and their fellow man are being left out in the cold! The youth no longer help with our church’s VBS. The youth no longer help with our church’s Easter Egg Hunt. The youth no longer help with our church’s Fall Festival. The youth no longer are a visible sign to the younger generations of how to model good behavior. I still remember the teenagers I wanted to be like when I was a child. I will never forget wanting to be just like (and I’m not changing any names) Sarah, Rien, Dixie, Jana, Jennifer, Matt, Charles, Jason and Wyatt.

Ski Trip 1999
I’m not saying we didn’t have our fair share of fun…we went on ski trips, had swimming parties, stayed up way too late at lock-ins, and had lots of other fellowship opportunities. But those weren’t our focus. Those were the rewards for staying focused.

Swimming Party 1998
Sadly, this generation’s youth are not providing that example for the children. The behavior I see every Sunday morning as I teach Sunday School is pitiful, disrespectful and callous. But even more sad is the fact that nobody is learning to serve the church! Who will teach Sunday school when the blue-haired ladies die?
I’m all for the United Methodist Church’s Rethink Church campaign, but not if rethinking church means that you never have to serve it in any way! I am appalled at what my generation and the generations that have gone before me are allowing from their children. I expect better. And while I don’t have any children of my own, I think these kids are more than capable of what my generation was capable of…they just haven’t had good models…either at church or at home!

Mission Trip 2009
Oh…one more thing: not all youth are being led this way. There are still many youth who participate in mission trips. In fact, even though my church’s youth minister won’t go to one particular mission camp that our church is quite fond of, there is a father to one of the youth who has made it his duty to make sure that the youth still have an opportunity to serve God and others every summer. He takes his vacation to take a group of about 15 (a far cry from the 60-75 we used to take…but it’s a start) every year. So, I’m proud of those kids and wish there were more like them.